an affirmation of faith

today has been a very special day for me, one i'm sure will be kept very close to my heart for a long time to come. about two and a half years ago when my transition began i found myself without a church. the church i'd been attending for the past five years or so asked me to leave. the reasoning given to me was that i would be a distraction. these were people i'd worked and worshiped very closely with. attended bible studies and seminars, did missionary work with, socialized with away from church. it was a horrible shock then when i was kicked out of the fold. and since that day not one member of the old congregation has bothered to make any contact with me at all. not one. it took me about six months then to decide i needed my church life so badly that i had to suck it up and try to find another one. since my religious and political lives are so seperate i didn't think i would feel comfortable in one of the more specialized churches such as the metro. i'm far more personally conservative then i precieve them to be. i was looking for a more traditional worship service. i remembered a woman who had mentored me when i first became christian. she was a member of the 1st presbyterian church here in bloomington. i called the church office one day and asked how they might feel about a transsexual in their midst. the associate pastor i spoke with asked me, "do you want to worship Jesus?" i said yes and she said that i would be more then welcome. i have to say that i took that response with a grain of salt. somethimes it seems the leadership may be a bit ahead of the congregation when it comes to such things. but i sucked it up, dressed up in my sunday best and started attending services. i found i was treated with hospitality, such hospitality that it seemed a little practiced to me, i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. for someone who does take offense at my presentation to finally create an uprising in order to get me to leave. to date that has not happened. after a while of attending as a visitor, i began taking what they call seachers classes. it's basically an introduction to presbyterian beliefs and dogma. i found myself in closer touch with others there and still found no reason to feel conflicted. my ts didn't seem to register on folks. i applied for membership in the church after the classes and was officially recieved by the session, the governing body of our particular church, and recieved a unanimous invitation to become an active member of the congregation. that was at the beginning of this past may. since then i have been active in the church functions. going to the meetings, doing bible studies and such. i am not one with a quiet voice, i believe in speaking my mind and that has put me in an adversarial position with others at times. and to date i can report that no one has chosen to not fight fair, to attempt to use my ts against me in another matter. today was my official presentation to the whole congregation as a new member. there were eight of us in all, three men and five women. each of the women, including myself, were presented with a pink corsage. we were standing in front of the whole congregation and as our bio was read an elder came before us and pinned on the corsage. standing there in front of approximately 360 eyes, all on me as the bio was read and that beautiful pink rose was being pinned to my breast, i made myself search those eyes, looking for even the slightest sign of rejection.....if it was there it was well hidden. nothing but smiles. the bio went on for awhile and i don't remember much of the substance, but the references to "she" did this and "she" did that flowed so naturally from the pastor's mouth out into the congregation that i was moved to tears. and still, all the way to the end nothing but smiles, acceptance and respect. it was an amazing affirmation of myself and of my femininity, but even more it was an affirmation of God's love and that He does move in His own house as He sees fit. it's been a most wonderful day, thanks for letting me share it with all of you. lotsa love, pj