passing

passing. what a deep subject that is. i have so many different thoughts about it that it's hard to keep them sorted out. one thing is true, generally speaking it is much easier for ftm' then for mtf's. i can see plenty of value in passing for the individual, the stress of being on constant public view is gone. one can hide away as deeply as he or she wishes and never have to deal with trans issues at all if they so choose. and God help us we are too often judged on our ability to pass by even our own. we compliment each other, and not me, but i've heard some condescending remarks made about those who don't pass so well. we, too, between ftm's and mtf's have very different experiences in life, even if at the core we are very much alike. tomboys are cute and acceptable most of their lives. sissies are a joke early and then purely pervert as we age. so passing from early on is an option for ftm's where is isn't for us. a very great many of us never get to the point of passing beyond the cursory glance. ftm's on hormones can grow facial hair, that's a dead giveaway as male, so beyond the cursory doesn't often come up. with us there never seems to be enough we can do. and our voices don't change so we will always sound male. but it really doesn't matter to me most of the time. i accept what it is that i cannot change and am glad to engage in changing what i can, which is attitude. it occurrs to me that no matter how many panels one sits on or how many speeches one gives, or books or movies we write.....still the most effective means of getting to the hearts and minds of people is one on one. it is stressful. sometimes i'd just love to go out and not be concerned about who i meet or that i'm probably going to be engaged in a trans-oriented conversation. that just isn't in the cards for me so i guess i sometimes envy those who can. nick recently informed me that there were still some things he was learning, i guess that's a good reminder for us older folks that learning is something we can still do too. we're just slower at it and it takes more effort. i need to bear in mind that taking the easy road sometimes is not above me, it just isn't an option most of the time. i'm not whining, believe me, i wouldn't trade my circumstances for any other on earth. i feel like God has blessed me far beyond my wildest imagination and i am nothing but grateful for what He has given me. i believe that, to paraphrase dr king just a bit that someday we will all be measured not by the color of our dress but by the content of our character, and i am just thrilled to be even a small part of making that time come to pass.